Relationship Advice - How to Get Out and Stay Out of Relationships Ruts

"The only difference between a rut and a grave arehere before.- Arguing and bickering just for
the dimensions."Q: My wife and I are both on oursomething to doWhat Not To DoWe all try to solve
second marriage. We feel like we are both losingthe problem of relationship ruts in our own way. Here
some of our excitement and love for each other,are some solutions that I've seen couples try that
just like is our first marriages. We feel like we areare worth avoiding;- Keep doing the same things
stuck in a rut. What can we do to get out of thisover and over and expect different results- Blame
rut?A: You've not only asked an excellent question,your partner or accuse them of being boring-
it's even been asked in song.In "Make Love Stay"Convince yourself that life would be much more fun
Dan Fogelberg asks,"Now that we've loved,with someone else- Make major changes just for the
Now that the lonely nights are oversake of change. For example, move (just a
How do we make love stay?"New relationshipsNewgeographical cure) or have a child.What To DoHaving
relationships are exciting. The thrill of falling in love andsaid all that, here are a few suggestions for breaking
discovering new things about each other is simply aout of relationship ruts;- Begin by remembering what
lot of fun.After the honeymoon stage of ais was that first attracted you to this person in the
relationship has passed, we move into the "making itfirst place. You may have forgotten some things and
work" stage of the relationship. Sometimes themay be surprised by what you remember- Do
making it work stage is just not as much fun as thesomething "safely out of character." In the song "Dirt
honeymoon stage. This is where the work part ofGets Under The Fingernails" by Harry Chapin, the
making it work comes in.One of the dangers of theprim, proper and neat wife goes out and buys art
making it work stage is to fall into what I callsupplies and makes a mess while the always dirty
relationship ruts. A relationship rut is when as a couplemechanic husband gets a shave, hair cut, manicure
you begin to feel as if you are stuck, sort of goingand new clothes. Surprise each other.- Do some of
through the motions and not getting anywhere.This isthe things you may have enjoyed as a child: buy a
the point that some relationships die, because thecoloring book, some play dough, put on some roller
only difference between a rut and a grave are theskates, etc.- Use your creativity! One way to do this
dimensions.Let's take a look at some of the signs ofwould be to brainstorm all the crazy, absurd, and
relationship ruts and what not to do, and then whatridiculous ideas you can think of, that you would
to do to get out of the rut and keep the sparknever do. Then go back over your list and see if
alive.Signs of Relationship RutsOne sure sign andthere are the seeds for some useful creative
conclusive evidence of a relationship rut is if thesolutions.- Make a list of all the things you like to do
following conversation sounds familiar -"What dofor fun. Then pick one you that you may not have in
want to do tonight?"a very long time.As the songwriter says, making love
"I don't know, whatever you want to do."stay can be one of the more difficult tasks in
"I don't know what I want to do, whatever yourelationships. Avoiding and/or getting out of
want to do is fine."relationships ruts can go a long way to keeping the
"Where do you want to eat?"spark alive.For f'ree weekly tips and tools for growing
"I don't know, where do you want to eat?"your relationship and keeping it strong, subscribe to
ETC - ETC - ETC - yuck!Other signs of relationshipJeff Herring's online newsletter "Great Relationships
ruts include;- Doing the same thing over over againTips of the Week" at AND receive a special report
and it not being enjoyable- Having the sameon "10 Things to Consider Before Your Next
conversation over and over again- Having thatRelationship Argument.
strange sense of "relationship deja vu" - we've been