| "The only difference between a rut and a grave are | | | | here before.- Arguing and bickering just for |
| the dimensions."Q: My wife and I are both on our | | | | something to doWhat Not To DoWe all try to solve |
| second marriage. We feel like we are both losing | | | | the problem of relationship ruts in our own way. Here |
| some of our excitement and love for each other, | | | | are some solutions that I've seen couples try that |
| just like is our first marriages. We feel like we are | | | | are worth avoiding;- Keep doing the same things |
| stuck in a rut. What can we do to get out of this | | | | over and over and expect different results- Blame |
| rut?A: You've not only asked an excellent question, | | | | your partner or accuse them of being boring- |
| it's even been asked in song.In "Make Love Stay" | | | | Convince yourself that life would be much more fun |
| Dan Fogelberg asks,"Now that we've loved, | | | | with someone else- Make major changes just for the |
| Now that the lonely nights are over | | | | sake of change. For example, move (just a |
| How do we make love stay?"New relationshipsNew | | | | geographical cure) or have a child.What To DoHaving |
| relationships are exciting. The thrill of falling in love and | | | | said all that, here are a few suggestions for breaking |
| discovering new things about each other is simply a | | | | out of relationship ruts;- Begin by remembering what |
| lot of fun.After the honeymoon stage of a | | | | is was that first attracted you to this person in the |
| relationship has passed, we move into the "making it | | | | first place. You may have forgotten some things and |
| work" stage of the relationship. Sometimes the | | | | may be surprised by what you remember- Do |
| making it work stage is just not as much fun as the | | | | something "safely out of character." In the song "Dirt |
| honeymoon stage. This is where the work part of | | | | Gets Under The Fingernails" by Harry Chapin, the |
| making it work comes in.One of the dangers of the | | | | prim, proper and neat wife goes out and buys art |
| making it work stage is to fall into what I call | | | | supplies and makes a mess while the always dirty |
| relationship ruts. A relationship rut is when as a couple | | | | mechanic husband gets a shave, hair cut, manicure |
| you begin to feel as if you are stuck, sort of going | | | | and new clothes. Surprise each other.- Do some of |
| through the motions and not getting anywhere.This is | | | | the things you may have enjoyed as a child: buy a |
| the point that some relationships die, because the | | | | coloring book, some play dough, put on some roller |
| only difference between a rut and a grave are the | | | | skates, etc.- Use your creativity! One way to do this |
| dimensions.Let's take a look at some of the signs of | | | | would be to brainstorm all the crazy, absurd, and |
| relationship ruts and what not to do, and then what | | | | ridiculous ideas you can think of, that you would |
| to do to get out of the rut and keep the spark | | | | never do. Then go back over your list and see if |
| alive.Signs of Relationship RutsOne sure sign and | | | | there are the seeds for some useful creative |
| conclusive evidence of a relationship rut is if the | | | | solutions.- Make a list of all the things you like to do |
| following conversation sounds familiar -"What do | | | | for fun. Then pick one you that you may not have in |
| want to do tonight?" | | | | a very long time.As the songwriter says, making love |
| "I don't know, whatever you want to do." | | | | stay can be one of the more difficult tasks in |
| "I don't know what I want to do, whatever you | | | | relationships. Avoiding and/or getting out of |
| want to do is fine." | | | | relationships ruts can go a long way to keeping the |
| "Where do you want to eat?" | | | | spark alive.For f'ree weekly tips and tools for growing |
| "I don't know, where do you want to eat?" | | | | your relationship and keeping it strong, subscribe to |
| ETC - ETC - ETC - yuck!Other signs of relationship | | | | Jeff Herring's online newsletter "Great Relationships |
| ruts include;- Doing the same thing over over again | | | | Tips of the Week" at AND receive a special report |
| and it not being enjoyable- Having the same | | | | on "10 Things to Consider Before Your Next |
| conversation over and over again- Having that | | | | Relationship Argument. |
| strange sense of "relationship deja vu" - we've been | | | | |