| "The only difference between a rut and a | | | | thing over over again and it not being |
| grave are the dimensions."Q: My wife and I | | | | enjoyable- Having the same conversation over |
| are both on our second marriage. We feel like | | | | and over again- Having that strange sense of |
| we are both losing some of our excitement and | | | | "relationship deja vu" - we've been here |
| love for each other, just like is our first | | | | before.- Arguing and bickering just for |
| marriages. We feel like we are stuck in a | | | | something to doWhat Not To DoWe all try to |
| rut. What can we do to get out of this rut?A: | | | | solve the problem of relationship ruts in our |
| You've not only asked an excellent question, | | | | own way. Here are some solutions that I've |
| it's even been asked in song.In "Make Love | | | | seen couples try that are worth avoiding;- |
| Stay" Dan Fogelberg asks,"Now that we've | | | | Keep doing the same things over and over and |
| loved, | | | | expect different results- Blame your partner |
| | | | or accuse them of being boring- Convince |
| Now that the lonely nights are over | | | | yourself that life would be much more fun |
| | | | with someone else- Make major changes just |
| How do we make love stay?"New | | | | for the sake of change. For example, move |
| relationshipsNew relationships are exciting. | | | | (just a geographical cure) or have a |
| The thrill of falling in love and discovering | | | | child.What To DoHaving said all that, here |
| new things about each other is simply a lot | | | | are a few suggestions for breaking out of |
| of fun.After the honeymoon stage of a | | | | relationship ruts;- Begin by remembering what |
| relationship has passed, we move into the | | | | is was that first attracted you to this |
| "making it work" stage of the relationship. | | | | person in the first place. You may have |
| Sometimes the making it work stage is just | | | | forgotten some things and may be surprised by |
| not as much fun as the honeymoon stage. This | | | | what you remember- Do something "safely out |
| is where the work part of making it work | | | | of character." In the song "Dirt Gets Under |
| comes in.One of the dangers of the making it | | | | The Fingernails" by Harry Chapin, the prim, |
| work stage is to fall into what I call | | | | proper and neat wife goes out and buys art |
| relationship ruts. A relationship rut is when | | | | supplies and makes a mess while the always |
| as a couple you begin to feel as if you are | | | | dirty mechanic husband gets a shave, hair |
| stuck, sort of going through the motions and | | | | cut, manicure and new clothes. Surprise each |
| not getting anywhere.This is the point that | | | | other.- Do some of the things you may have |
| some relationships die, because the only | | | | enjoyed as a child: buy a coloring book, some |
| difference between a rut and a grave are the | | | | play dough, put on some roller skates, etc.- |
| dimensions.Let's take a look at some of the | | | | Use your creativity! One way to do this would |
| signs of relationship ruts and what not to | | | | be to brainstorm all the crazy, absurd, and |
| do, and then what to do to get out of the rut | | | | ridiculous ideas you can think of, that you |
| and keep the spark alive.Signs of | | | | would never do. Then go back over your list |
| Relationship RutsOne sure sign and conclusive | | | | and see if there are the seeds for some |
| evidence of a relationship rut is if the | | | | useful creative solutions.- Make a list of |
| following conversation sounds familiar -"What | | | | all the things you like to do for fun. Then |
| do want to do tonight?" | | | | pick one you that you may not have in a very |
| | | | long time.As the songwriter says, making love |
| "I don't know, whatever you want to do." | | | | stay can be one of the more difficult tasks |
| | | | in relationships. Avoiding and/or getting out |
| "I don't know what I want to do, whatever | | | | of relationships ruts can go a long way to |
| you want to do is fine." | | | | keeping the spark alive.For f'ree weekly tips |
| | | | and tools for growing your relationship and |
| "Where do you want to eat?" | | | | keeping it strong, subscribe to Jeff |
| | | | Herring's online newsletter "Great |
| "I don't know, where do you want to eat?" | | | | Relationships Tips of the Week" at AND |
| | | | receive a special report on "10 Things to |
| ETC - ETC - ETC - yuck!Other signs of | | | | Consider Before Your Next Relationship |
| relationship ruts include;- Doing the same | | | | Argument. |